Monday, February 4, 2008

The Anti-Soccer Mom By Kristin Hartshaffer

Get up... take the kids to school... Starbucks venti skinny vanilla latte triple shot... go to work... first bite to eat at Noon... five-thirty... pick up kids... McDonald's fly by... drop one off at soccer practice... drop one off at football... back to pick up first from soccer... pick up second from football... home by 8:30... help kids with homework... snack... tuck kids in bed... collapse... oh - and who was that strange man in my bed I call my husband?

Sound familiar?

Today's society places great importance on how involved our kids are in sports and activities. Our children are so overscheduled now that families are completely torn apart. Mom is on one side of town watching one kid's game while Dad is at the other's. And if you have three, forget it! Fast food is the norm and the parents and kids are exhausted and disconnected.

Reasoning for such aggressive schedules is typically quite honorable, "I want my children to have the opportunities I didn't have."... "Sports teach discipline, hard work, and team work."... "They make great friends through their activities, friends they'll have for life." These are statements from parents who love their children and truly want the best for them. However, what is often overlooked is that the downside of heavy involvement in sports and other extracurricular activities may greatly outweigh the upside. Parents know they're tired, they know the kids are cranky, they know their marriage is lifeless, but due to today's societal pressures it would be considered cruel and unusual punishment to even consider cutting back on this crazy lifestyle and deprive their children. Friends will look down upon them and the children surely won't do as well as their peers who have spent countless hours on the soccer field and even more going through drive-thru's.

It has gotten so out of hand that one news reporter didn't even catch the hypocrisy when he said in one breath that "obesity in children is at an all time high" and then stated, "Sports involvement is also at an all time high which is a great way to battle the obesity epidemic." Is it too far of a stretch to believe that maybe one is actually responsible for the other? If we know that 80% of health is related to eating habits, and these kids' eating habits border on horrific, then wouldn't it be a logical conclusion that this crazy lifestyle may actually be causing obesity in kids? It's certainly something to consider.

But even beyond the obesity debate, there's the problem of the disconnected family. Most children today live in some sort of a split-parenting lifestyle due to the extremely high rate of divorce. So these kids are being shuffled from house to house and then shuffled even more when they are at those houses. The new definition of "family" is fuzzy at best and we exacerbate this when we split up the newly blended family (2nd or 3rd marriage) with everyone going in different directions.

While the kids have structure they have little down time just to be a kid and develop their wonderful ability to be imaginative. When they're not scheduled for something they often don't know what to do. The have little sense of family and what is truly important in life (family, love, relationships) as winning a game can be more important than visiting with grandparents not seen for six months. And they are learning that what should be the most important relationship in the family (between Mom and Dad) comes last on the list of priorities. And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high! On top of all that, how close can a parent really be with their child when they are watching them, not engaged with them. When there is no time to have deep conversations, they won't happen.

Soit's pretty easy to see how these activities can literally pull a family apart and drive us away from what is most important. Family time, having a close relationship with our spouse and children, and experiencing life to its fullest. These are typically the items at the top of everyone's priority list but wind up falling to the bottom in the soccer mom's reality lifestyle. That's where the Anti-Soccer Mom can make a difference...(to be continued).




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