One of the most ironic aspects of having a baby is that although my body had performed the ultimate epitome of womanhood, to supply the nourishment that allows a fetus to develop into a human being and give birth, I never felt more ugly, fat and unattractive. Many doctors and nurses describe the emotional changes that women go through after childbirth as postpartum depression. The Oxford Medical Dictionary describes postpartum depression as, "An emotional psychiatric conditions that occurs after childbirth. It is characterized by symptoms that range from mild to intense, suicidal depressive psychosis."
I don't have a medical background, but I believe that postpartum depression is partially caused by the mass media that constantly bankrupts a woman's self-esteem and self-worth with advertisements that promote cosmetic surgery and anti-aging products. It is very difficult for the average woman to accept, love and value herself in a society that continuously bombards her with messages of being inadequate and not-beautiful-enough to be a valued member of society. The nurse insisted that I was experiencing a hormonal imbalance, but I knew why I was depressed. I was sad because I knew that my life would never be the same. Yes, for the most part, being a new mother is a joyous occasion, but many things about my lifestyle would change forever.
The physical changes during and after my pregnancy forced me to look at my body with a totally new perspective; mother nature rudely informed me that my breasts were not only for sexual pleasure, especially when my breasts were filled with milk and began to ache. Let's not even begin to think about the vaginal stitches after childbirth (episiotomy). The essence of my feminine body was directly connected with nature-the continuation of life. My body provided the tunnel of which life flowed into the physical world. I realized that for me, sex was not just an act of love, affection, or pure romantic pleasure; but that my body could bring to fruition the essence of two human beings. And although, my husband could walk away from our love, our life and our baby, I could not. My body not only provided the avenue, but the foundation that would provide all of the necessities to sustain the life of our child.
In spite of the fact that I was proud of my body's ability to give birth, after the pregnancy was over, I didn't want any visible signs on my body that indicated to me or others that a developing life was once inside of my belly. For some reason, in the American culture, women brag about not physically looking as if we ever had a baby. I remember thinking once that the ultimate compliment that I received was from a teenage girl who said to me, "You don't look like a mother." It's funny how we accept hickeys (passion marks) to symbolize physical desire from our mate, and let's be honest, are hickeys really physically attractive? Sororities and fraternities brand their members as a symbol of unity. Solders are proud of their battle wounds. Unfortunately, most women want to erase any signs of ever being pregnant or giving birth.
Biologically speaking, the female body was designed to nurture and carry babies. During the process, for many women, this means weight gain, stretch marks, sagging breasts and yes! - You guessed it-a big stomach. This is the physical reality for most pregnant women. For many women these physical changes remain for an unspecified amount of time after the birth of their baby. The mass media does not glorify the authentic beauty that resonates from the average woman who cook, clean, and provide for their families. Unlike the supermodels and playboy bunnies, it does not celebrate the portrait of the genuine beauty of a woman's body that is sculpted with stretch marks, soft generous hips and thighs, dimples and love handles.
I guess you are wondering how does stretch marks have anything to do with the media's portrayal of women. Well, before the birth of my first child, unknowingly my perception of my self-worth was based on my physical appearance. I prided myself for being able to wear revealing summer clothes, have a flat stomach and going bra-less. I was no Cover Girl, but I felt that I held my own. Even though I was a college student, most of the compliments that I received were about my physical appearance. No one ever complimented me on being intelligent, compassionate or being a good person. Upon embracing my new role and identity as a mother, I remember looking at my infant son thinking, "I can't believe that this perfectly beautiful baby came from inside of me." I then began to understand that the stretch marks on my breasts and belly were symbolic of my femininity, strength and inner beauty. Now when I read those pretty, wiggly lines they say: "You are beautiful and God has blessed your body as a vessel to the journey of life."
Dr. Cassandra George Sturges MA, MA, is a mother of two teenagers, a full-time psychology instructor, advice columnists for Today's Black Woman Magazine, Seminar facilitator, author of "A Woman's Soul on Paper" ISBN: 0595171435; The Illusion of Beauty: Why Women Hate Themselves & Envy Other Women; Men Interviewed Tell: 101 Things Women do to Turn Men Off; Success & Beauty is an Attitude: A Woman's Guide to Academic and Life achievement. Email me: authentikbeauty@yahoo.comvisit me at: http://authentikbeauty.blogspot.com
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